Do I Just…Not Like Vampire Books?

This is one of the weirdest things I think I’ve ever said as an urban fantasy/paranormal romance author. Because, I mean, c’mon. It goes hand-in-hand, right? So why is it so many of them just don’t vibe with me?

This realization came to me while rant-recapping a book to my spouse when I should have been going to bed. There’s a lot of media I consume that is Not Their Vibe, but they let me give them recaps. As they, and my friend/fellow author Miranda, put it, “You’re a storyteller, you make them sound fun.” And I get to rant. Win-win.

My biggest complaint with this book is what I like to call The CW Plot Device—95% of the plot can be resolved by two people having a conversation and there aren’t really any external obstacles preventing them from doing so. Yes, even my beloved Supernatural was victim of this on many occasions. Beyond that, I’m eager to learn more of the lore, because thus far the vamps don’t seem to have any weaknesses beyond being dumb frat boys and having to feed once a month.

However, I started to realize, “Huh, I’ve had issues with a LOT of the vampire books I’ve read.” Not so much TV or movies or even games. True Blood convinced me to buy the entire Sookie Stackhouse novel series, the Blade trilogy was sick AF, I don’t care what the critics say Van Helsing was fun, one of my favorite anime/manga was Hellsing, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer was FORMATIVE media for me. But the books…I struggle.

*sigh*, this whole cast was so damn pretty

And then I immediately felt bad because three of those book series were highly recommended by friends.

So I decided to try and figure out: was it the bloodsuckers themselves or was my beef with something else?

Reader beware: Your fav might not have been for me. And that’s okay. I do my best not to yuck other’s yums, but if I’m particularly egregious about yours, I’m happy to discuss.

There was a popular series in my late high school, early college days that I just didn’t get the hype for. The ships were questionable, the most interesting characters were relegated to the far background, and the lore drove me crazy. I could go on a full separate TED talk about vampire legends worldwide and their ties to media. I hated the first book and only powered through the second and third because of the promise of werewolves. As said series seems to be making a comeback, it’s got me wondering what I disliked about it. Was it really just how overpowered and stalkery the vamps were? Or was it the horrific syntax and actual writing paired with weak-sauce characters being the ones we were supposed to drool over or want to be?

The next series premiered about a decade later, and I gotta hand it to the author because there’s over twenty books out with more to come. A dear friend recently lent me the first book because it’s one of her all-time favorite series. I almost threw it across the room so many times. Stubbornness and friendship is the only thing that got me through that book. I constantly asked, “Does it get better?” “Does HE get better?” “Is this what all dark romance is like?” (Spoiler alert: it did, he sort of did, and not really?) The vampire lore itself was… interesting. Mostly in line with classics, had a genuinely interesting villains, and a neat way of dealing with bloodlines. While some of the lore and painfully dated music references make me want to give bombastic side-eye (yes, I see the irony, no, I don’t care), the thing that gave me the biggest ick was… the rampant misogyny. I would scarcely call three of the men introduced in the entire book “good” guys. There’s only so many times I can read a male character calling someone “female” before I just picture them as a ferengi. However, having now read the first four books, I can say that first was the worst and my least favorite. So, maybe not-all-male-vamps?

Not exactly the drool-worthy, fang-filled image the author was probably going for

Then there’s Sookie. I saw True Blood before I read the books, so I typically picture their on-screen counterparts while reading; I knew there would be major differences between the two mediums, and I eagerly looked forward to discovering them. Look, I will happily admit that Stephen Moyer and Alexander Skarsgård are sooo pretty as vampires Bill and Eric, and the early swooning over them was well-earned. And Eric was funny too. The romances as-written are damn good: they have their ups and downs, both sides make poor choices, and Sookie is such a relatable protagonist even with the barrage of crazy that happens to her. The vampire lore is some of my favorite, the politics are great, and it tackles the idea that the more immortal one is the less human they remember how to be. But when I say Sookie puts up with a lot… Like, girl, he’s just a guy, hit him with your car (I think she actually does this at some point). My biggest qualm with the fangbanger series? Alcide and Sam were RIGHT. THERE. Sam was even BETTER in the books than the show. Why put up with politically-ambitious, hot viking guy when you could have stable business owner, hot shapeshifter guy?

Does Marissa have a thing for guys in plaid shirts? Probably

Alright. The evidence so far: 1) a lot of the vamp books I’ve read have suffered from poor writing (the first two I mention) and/or incredibly creepy male leads (books two through four), 2) the ones I liked more have a great cast of characters, interesting lore, and really funny moments (the last two I mention), 3) while there is an inherent violence or sexy nature to vampires, there’s a way to do it that does suck (yes, pun intended), and the books I’ve disliked didn’t quite hit that mark (squinting at books one and three).

Conclusion: I’m probably just reading the wrong vampire books for my tastes. Do you have a favorite or recommendation? Who’s your favorite fanger from media? Is there such thing as cozy vampire romance or do I have to be the one to write it?

• Reading: Still plugging through This Blood That Binds Us. I have been LeTired and sometimes my lunchbreak is better suited for a nap than for reading.
• Listening: The One Piece Live Action Soundtrack. The award-winning composer has some of the coolest insights into making the music and I’ve loved the original anime since I was a kid.
• Watching: One Piece Live Action. Look, season 2 is out and it slammed it out of the park. I’m constantly impressed with the cast and crew and I want to squish Chopper against my face and melt into his fuzziness.
• Crafting: I’m over halfway through my 2025 Book Blanket! And teaching my spouse to crochet as well while they recover from a back injury.